Many of the estate planning conferences we conduct with clients fall into a discussion of children – their strengths, weaknesses, and the hopes that clients have for their future. Then we talk about stuff: how much stuff do the clients own? How much stuff might be left after long-term illness and nursing home bills are paid?  What will the children do with the stuff:


On a deeper level, however, I would raise with all clients “What will your children remember about you”? That usually brings a shocked, blank stare, as that question is not usually raised by anyone else. But it is an important question, because, for most, parental relationships have the greatest effect on a child’s personality, adjustment, and life success. And I can say, from the perspective of 40 years doing this, it is rarely how much money or property a child inherited that answers the question.

One’s legacy, from my perspective, is more about value systems, perspectives on life challenges, goal-setting, love, affection, forgiveness, and shared experiences, like family outings, vacations, holidays, than about inheritance. So when you arrive at the point in life where you are planning for not being here and what will happen in your absence, think on those matters and don’t miss an opportunity to add another great memory to the book, rather than an additional valuable piece of property. Focus on what really counts. We can help guide the discussion.